


let's do it like they do in my twitter rap battles

by Authoress



Series: let's do it like they do on tv [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Memes, gay distractions, i can't even add extra tags, inappropriate use of mcdonalds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 05:43:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6226246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Authoress/pseuds/Authoress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bokuto's “gangsta” pants may be falling down, but that won’t stop him from picking a fight with his best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	let's do it like they do in my twitter rap battles

**Author's Note:**

> based on [this tweet](https://twitter.com/befourpoc/status/708083535576326145)
> 
> OKAY, it's not technically a rap battle. let me live. 
> 
> (please don't take this seriously)

 

Bokuto's “gangsta” pants may be falling down, but that won’t stop him from picking a fight with his best friend.

It’s one thing to call your best bro’s teammates cute. It’s one thing to call your homeboy’s girl cute. But it’s another thing altogether to call your best bro’s other best bro cute, and Bokuto isn’t going to stand for it. His squad isn’t with him, but this is Kuroo—Bokuto can handle him. And they live in the same neighborhood—no sweat.

Speaking of the devil, Kuroo swaggers past Bokuto like he didn’t totally break the bro code and hit on Bokuto's homie. Akaashi and Kuroo weren’t even _friends_! But Kuroo looks so fine, sunglasses on despite the fact that the sun has already set, hair slicked back and new gauges in. he slouches against a wall and frankly, looks like the coolest guy Bokuto has ever seen. He’s starting to sweat a little. But no! He must persist and bring harmony back to the bro-cosystem.

(“Did that pun work?” Bokuto stage whispers to Konoha, standing off to the side with a branch held in front of him as a disguise. He makes a throat-cutting motion. “Shit,” Bokuto mutters. “Alright, cut that line.”)

“Churro!” he calls out, getting Kuroo’s attention with arguably the worst nickname in all existence. Kuroo whips his head around, murder in his eyes. Bokuto sneers and spits. “Heard you called Akaashi ‘cute’ today.”

Kuroo slinks towards him, rap music suddenly playing as he approaches. “Yeah? Maybe I did. Whatcha gonna do about it?”

“Bro, next time you call my chick cute, imma fuck yo ass up,” Bokuto says.

Kuroo snorts. “Akaashi isn’t even a chick, dude. All bets are off.”

“Yeah, but you know he’s _my_ BFF!” Bokuto snarls, shoving a finger into Kuroo’s chest. “Get your filthy paws off.”

“But…but I thought _I_ was your BFF…” Kuroo says, cat ears drooping. He looks on the verge of tears.

“Aw, fuck,” Bokuto says. “You know what I mean…my BFF that goes to Fukurodani. You’re my BFF everywhere else.” He pauses, then halfheartedly adds, “Imma still fuck you up though.”

“Chill, Kou,” Kuroo says, putting his hands on his hips. He sneers. “You said that yesterday but yo fat ass didn’t do shit.”

Bokuto gasps. “It’s _muscle_! I _told_ you! You even felt my ass up behind the school last week.”

Kuroo looks distinctly uncomfortable, but doesn’t say anything. Bokuto mirrors his hands on hips position.

“Fine then, bitch,” he says. “Tomorrow after school. We settle this once and for all.”

“Nah man.” Kuroo waves him off. “I have choir practice after school.”

“Oh shit, how did the audition go?” Bokuto asks, dropping him aggressive position.

“Baritone and proud,” Kuroo says, puffing up his chest. “Ms. P said I was one of the most talented students in class.”

“Sweet, dude!” Bokuto says, putting his hand out in a fist for the start of their complicated handshake, starting with a fist bump and ending with an owl and cat screech. “Oh, what time does it end?”

“6:50,” Kuroo replies.

“Fuck,” Bokuto swears. “My job starts at 6:45…Okay, how about Saturday?”

“Nah, I gotta go to my grandmother’s funeral,” Kuroo says, offering a weak half-smile.

“Oh shit, bro, sorry,” Bokuto says.

“Ain’t nothing to sweat over,” Kuroo says. “Old Granny Yaku was on her way out anyway, but it’s weird too think she’s gone. Sometimes I think I can still hear her voice…”

_“Quit telling people I’m dead!”_ an angry voice calls out from the nether. Bokuto and Kuroo exchange glances and shrug.

“Alright…you know what? Fuck Akaashi,” Bokuto says.

“Or _fuck_ Akaashi, if you feel me,” Kuroo snickers, elbowing Bokuto in the side. Bokuto glares at him and Kuroo stops laughing. “Sorry.”

“How ‘bout we both get some McDonald’s right now?” Bokuto offers.

“Oh hell yeah, dude,” Kuroo agrees, groaning. “I’m hungry…and hey! We can try that new menu item, what was it…” He fiddles around in his pockets, eventually producing a coupon. “Have you tried nut on pancakes?”

“What?” Bokuto asks, horrified.

“Oh, sorry,” Kuroo says. “Have you tried Nutella on pancakes?”

Still slightly unsettled, Bokuto laughs it off. “Alright, fool. Let’s meet by the CVS.”

“Aight champ,” Kuroo says. “See you later.” He holds out a hand for Bokuto to take, and Bokuto shakes it, holding on for a moment longer to make extended eye contact with Kuroo. For a moment, it’s like no one is in the world except for them. What was Bokuto angry about again…?

“I love you,” Kuroo says.

“I love you, too,” Bokuto says.

And then they fuck in the McDonald’s bathroom. The end.

**Author's Note:**

> i played wop on repeat while writing this


End file.
